When you first make the decision to get an apartment with a partner, you may dream of living together in perfect bliss--however, once fantasy gives way to reality you realize it requires a bit more effort to keep the peace. Your partner's annoying habits you never noticed before may suddenly become glaringly unavoidable, arguments over bills and finances escalate into full-fledged shouting matches, doors start slamming and resentment begins to build. Suddenly, you and your partner have turned into an old married couple before you even got married.
Of course, that doesn't have to be the case for you. If you are considering moving into an apartment with your partner, there are certainly many ways to make the transition with ease. By making the necessary preparations in advance and being courteous and thoughtful of your partner's feelings and needs as well as your own, you can help maintain a harmonious household and protect yourself in the unfortunate event that things don't quite work out.
Have Both Names on Your Lease
If you are moving into a new apartment together, you should have both of your names on your rental agreement. This way, if things don't work out you will both have your rights protected. If your name is on the lease, your partner cannot throw you out after a split. Also, you will have more power to hold your ex accountable for unpaid rent should he or she take off without warning. A roommate agreement can be helpful in this regard as well--it may not be very romantic, but it can limit confusion as to who gets to remain in the apartment after a split, who receives custody of your pets, and how remaining expenses and bills will be handled.
Downsize Your Belongings
We all accumulate a great deal of stuff throughout our lives, and moving in with another person limits your space to store it all. You never realize what a packrat you are until your boyfriend asks you to make room for his toiletries in your overflowing drawer of five-year old eye-shadows and you consider calling the whole thing off. Before you move in, sift through all your junk and toss out clothes that haven't been worn in a year. Get rid of duplicate appliances and keep the newest or most advanced model. Make compromises when it comes to furniture–even if your partner is the one moving into your apartment, you want them to feel as if it's their home as well.
Set the Ground Rules
Before anyone even begins to move in their belongings, you should come up with a list of do's and don'ts for the household. Everyone has their pet peeves, so it's best to let your lover know in advance that you are going to fly off the handle if wet towels are left on the floor. By communicating openly about the simple stuff that is going to keep your sanity, you can avoid silly arguments over it later. However, needs sometimes conflict–you may loathe falling asleep with the television on, while your partner can't drift off without it. Compromise on the things you can't agree on–perhaps you can alternate nights that you have the TV on in the bedroom. Or, if you cave on the TV issue, your partner can budge on another rule you disagreed on.
Redecorate Together
Whether you are getting a brand new place together or one of you is moving into your partner's apartment, it's important that the surroundings reflect both of your tastes. Go shopping for new rugs, lamps and curtains together and make mutual decisions on everything. Be open to your partner's opinions. Decide on a new color scheme for the living room or bedroom and paint the walls together. This can be a fun and intimate way to get excited about the new life you're beginning and celebrate change. When purchasing furniture or other items for the place, it is a good idea for you each to pay for designated items--for example, you buy the couch while your partner buys the television. This way, in the unfortunate event of a break-up, there will be no quarreling over who gets to take the coffee table you picked out and paid for together.
Split the Chores
Make a list of weekly household chores and decide who will be responsible for each task. This can work out well if you each prefer doing different chores, but can pose a problem if you both despise doing dishes but enjoy vacuuming. In cases of equally hated/preferred chores, you can create a system where you alternate those chores week to week to keep you both happy. If one of you has drastically different cleanliness habits than the other--i.e. you love things sparkling while your partner considers sorting clutter into neat and manageable piles "cleaning"--you may want to have a pre-move in sit-down discussion about how you will keep the apartment tidy.
Split the Expenses
Even if you have not yet made a promise to tie the knot, you may be considering moving in with your partner to not only increase your intimacy but to decrease your living expenses. While saving a buck may not be the best reason to consider cohabitation, it is certainly a factor for many couples with our abysmal economy. Make sure you plan ahead of time how you will split the finances–you can designate different bills for each of you or just split everything down the middle. However, one of you will be responsible for handling the payment each month if you do decide to divide all of your bills evenly. This can get awkward if the other is not even aware that the money is due until their portion is requested. If one of you will be solely in charge of mailing the check or submitting the payment online, be sure that the other is aware of the dates the bills are due and is proactive about coughing up their share--without being asked.
Make Time for Yourself
Living together can be suffocating. No matter how much you love someone, having them constantly available can make the relationship feel stagnant and leave you feeling like you have lost your identity. To maintain your individuality and to keep your romance fresh, set aside time for yourself and the things you enjoy doing.
Go Out
Don't let the convenience of having your lover at home every night turn you into a couch couple. Make time to go out to dinner, to the movies, or have drinks with friends at least once a week. If money doesn't allow you to indulge in these luxuries frequently, plan cost-efficient alternatives-- like a picnic in the park or a game night with friends. While snuggling up under a blanket and watching a movie at home is one of the perks of living together, taking your relationship out on the town once in awhile is important. Sharing new experiences together will only strengthen your bond.
Don't Sweat the Small Stuff
Don't let little annoying habits build up and breed resentment and anger. Learn to let things go, or at least speak openly about them before they have time to fester and erupt in the form of rage. Be considerate and courteous, and aware of your lover's feelings at all times. Effective communication, a little compromise and an open mind will go a long way to ensure that your love nest remains that way.