Moving your elderly parents into a nursing home or an assisted living facility is a difficult decision to make. Before you start planning the move, there are several things you should consider. Whether they move to a retirement community, a nursing home, an assisted-living residence or even in with you, the process can be immensely overwhelming for the both of you.
Aggression, escalating care needs, sundowning, wandering or other indications of dementia may make home healthcare too much to handle.
Whatever the case, moving an elderly family member requires a great deal of patience, sensitivity and time to plan to make the transition as smooth as possible. Nobody wants to move their parents into assisted living, but sometimes the decision is inevitable. Before you begin researching facilities, you should try to look at the situation from as many angles as possible.
Do your parents need to move to a nursing home?
Discuss the circumstances in detail with friends who have been in similar situations as well as family members and the parent(s) in question. Effective communication is the best way to start this complicated process. Your loved one may need some convincing to even move out at all.
Figure out if your parents are capable of living on their own without outside help. Identify the benefits of making the move to an assisted living facility or nursing home and consider the potential consequences of not making the move. Answer these questions to have a slightly better idea of whether or not putting your parent in a home is the right decision:
- How much help do they need with everyday tasks?
- Could 24-hour care be necessary?
- Would a live-in nurse or caregiver suffice?
- Is there anybody else your parents could move in with?
Are your parents willing to move to an assisted living facility?
Some elderly folks feel comfortable in their current situations and are reluctant to leave their homes, even when a move seems like the best option. You should also think about the unique conditions of your situation and realize that there is no cookie-cutter way to deal with it.
They may reject the idea that they can't function or get around their home easily. You also have to understand that you are asking them to sacrifice the home they lived for many years, as well as much of its contents. This can be a heartbreaking thing for your loved one to accept.
When you sit down to speak with your relative, explain why you feel this move will be best:
- Maybe they lost some mobility and would be safer in smaller, one-level lodgings
- Perhaps their health is declining, and the doctor recommends a nursing home or assisted-living for regular, round-the-clock medical care
- You might even want to move them into your home for all day supervision
TIP: It is imperative that you communicate the possibility of moving out with extreme kindness, empathy and consideration. Refrain from condescending down-talk or possessing the attitude that you know better. This will only fuel resentment and cause negative reaction. Let them know you understand the anxiety and reluctance about the change, but that you only want what is best.
How do you find the right assisted living facility?
If you come to the conclusion that putting your parent in a home is the right decision, you have to find the best place for you and your family. Of course, you must again evaluate the situation, and as always, keep your parent's best interests in mind.
- Decide which type of living situation matches your parent's needs. If your elderly loved one is more capable and independent, an assisted living facility would probably work best. If your parent is bed-ridden or heavily dependent on others for everyday tasks, perhaps a nursing home would be more effective. Explore all of your options to find the best possible situation for your mom or dad.
- Identify a central location. Find a home or facility that's equidistant from all loved ones who will be frequent visitors. This ensures that your parent will see familiar faces almost every day, making the adjustment process much easier. Of course, if you plan on visiting almost every day yourself, then a location closer to your home may be more appropriate. Also, consider any special circumstances that may be existent, such as the proximity to hospitals and treatment centers.
- Figure out a price range. Moving your mother or father into a nursing home or assisted living facility might cost a little bit more than you'd like to spend. Keep in mind, you're paying for whatever level of care your loved one needs; so the more special the case, the higher the price.
It is also important to remember that this is a challenging transition for everyone involved. Because your loved one is more dependent than in the past, they will need help allocating financial resources to cover the costs of living as well as medical expenses. Once you have an idea of what you can realistically afford, you can take the next step with your parent's move.
- Anticipate future needs. If your parent's condition changes, you should make sure they are living in a home that's equipped to deal with it. When choosing a location, try to find a place that offers different options for increased care, just in case your loved one's circumstances change.
What are the different styles of nursing homes?
If you want to move your parents into a nursing home, you must learn about the different styles of providing additional care for your elderly parents.
- Private or semi-private room: One of the biggest price jumps is it you want a private room or semi-private room for your parent in their nursing home. You will be paying around $10,000 more annually if you want your parents to stay in a private room. If your parent doesn't mind sharing a room with a stranger, a semi-private room would help you cut down on cost.
- Assisted living: You can also look into move your parents into an assisted living community. While they aren't a nursing home, assisted living communities still offer personal care support services such as medication and meal management, transportation and hygiene assistance.
- In-home care: Another option is In-Home Care. For this route, a nurse will assist with daily activities, serving as a companion for your parents in their own house. A traditional in-home care aid will cost around $165 per day. There as also skilled nurses that can provide in-home care for a higher price. These nurses will be certified for medication administration, therapy skills, and injury care. The certified in-home care nurse will cost around $220 per day.
How much does a nursing home cost?
The cost of putting your parents into a nursing home varies greatly by state. In states like Alaska, the average cost is around $24,000 per month while in Missouri it is around $5,000 per month. It is best to do your research in your area in order to calculate an accurate estimate. As mentioned before, getting a semi-private room in a nursing home is cheaper than a private room by about $10,000.
If your loved one is moving to a nursing home, many necessities and amenities are already provided -- such as a bed, dresser, wardrobe and even a television. Find out what the accommodations are like in advance.
What will be different when your parents move to a nursing home?
Putting your parent in a nursing home is a big change for everyone involved. Life is going to be different, regardless of how much you or your parents want to resist change.
- For your parent, the transition will be difficult. Some senior citizens may feel lonely and might even get depressed after a while. They will adjust to this new life in a unique way. If your loved one is outgoing and positive, an assisted living home will keep them active with community events and encourage interaction with other residents and caregivers. To combat potential loneliness, try to organize a schedule of visits with other family members and friends. A familiar face never hurts.
The elderly can also become quite stubborn and set in their ways-he may grow resentful of the implication that he can no longer care for himself and refuse to go.
When packing, remain patient and understanding. Allow them to reminisce and feel nostalgic while sifting through old family heirlooms and other treasures.
- For you, expect to experience a wide array of emotions. You may feel a bit relieved that your mom or dad is being taken care of professionally, but you may also feel a little bit of guilt and miss your parent. After your loved one settles into the nursing home or assisted living facility you have mutually chosen, your family will adjust to these new circumstances together.
Additionally, you will likely be saddened by reminders that your loved one is growing older.
Have you researched other living options?
The entire purpose of moving is to make sure your loved one's dwelling accommodates age and impaired mobility. If they will be moving in with you, you will want to ensure that you have taken safety precautions in your own home.
Some suggested features include:
- One-level lodgings for elderly relatives with impaired mobility: Ideally, there will be no stairs to climb. If your loved one is moving in with you, no stairs may not be an option. If possible, create sleeping arrangements on the first floor or place reflective strips on the edge of the staircase to help prevent a fall.
- Impact-absorbent floor surfaces: These can prevent serious injury if an unfortunate fall occurs.
- Modified washrooms: Climbing over the edge of a bathtub greatly increases the risk of a damaging fall, so a low-entry shower will help immensely. Hand rails around the toilet and in the shower can help support your loved one when they are most vulnerable. Many accidents occur alone in the bathroom, and bathroom floors (especially shower floors) are often very slippery.
- Color schemes with striking contrasts: Colors aid poor vision. Help your loved one with depth perception and assist in the recognition of entrances and doorways.
Think the situation over long and hard. Discuss it with family and friends, especially loved ones directly involved with the decision and the aftermath. After considering these important factors, moving your parents into a nursing home or assisted living facility should be much less stressful.
Depending on your income and financial situation, this may put a heavy strain on your budget-an incredibly stressful situation in its own right.