Moving in with a significant other is a major decision. And when you add children into the mix, it becomes exponentially more complicated. If you are preparing to start a new life with your partner, getting your children on board takes serious time, patience and love. Find out the best ways for preparing to move in with your partner when you have kids.
How do you prepare your family for this incredible life change while maintaining your sanity through the process? Try these six tips.
1. Make sure you are ready to move in together
Simply introducing your children to a new love interest can be tricky, so breaking the news that you will all be living together is no easy feat. Children are sensitive, and they can react to change with hostility.
Children, especially younger ones, have a hard time understanding these situations from an adult's perspective. They cannot see past their own discomfort. Creating a blended family takes a great deal of patience, perseverance and strength, so be sure your relationship is prepared to weather the storm. If you are not yet planning to marry your partner, you should be confident that this person will be in your life long term, because it is not worth disrupting your children's lives for a short term relationship.
2. Talk to your children about the move
Before you set the move into motion, get ready to sit down and have a conversation with your children. If your children have not yet met your new partner, hold off on moving in together. Your kids need time to get used to the idea -- especially if there are other children involved. When explaining the move to your children, make sure to cover all key points that they will need to understand:
- Will they be moving into a new home?
- Will they have to share a room with your partner's children?
- What other changes may occur?
- Are they going to be attending a new school?
It is imperative to give your children time to adjust to and accept these ideas, since a move heavily impacts important aspects of their life. Some of these things may take more explaining than others. For instance, if they have to switch schools, they will probably be upset at first. It is important to explain all the positive aspects of the move, so they don't dwell on the negative.
3. Set ground rules for your partner before moving in
Make sure your partner understands and is empathetic to any concerns your children may have about the move. By communicating openly, the two of you will be better equipped to plan the merging of your families with minimal disruption to everyone involved.
TIP: When beginning a new household, you may have to adjust the rules to accommodate both you and your partner's parenting styles. If you both have children, you will need to maintain consistency with how you run the home. It is important to discuss all of this before moving in together, because any surprises surrounding parenting methods will most likely end in conflict.
Enforcing new rules may only fuel your children's anger and resentment, but it is necessary to establish harmony in the long run. Reiterate that new rules are not to punish your children but to respect everyone living in your new home. Explaining and talking through all of this with your children will make the situation much more adaptable for them.
4. Prepare for the worst after moving in together
There is no limit to the chaos angry children can cause. Tantrums, rebellion, back talk... your little angels will transform right before your eyes. Prepare for behavior changes and plan how to handle infractions with your partner.
The problems will vary depending on the age of your children:
- Little ones may cry and throw fits
- Puberty-stricken adolescents may scream and name-call
- Teens may withdraw to their rooms or rebel by disobeying the rules
While you surely want to sympathize with your children's feelings, refrain from becoming too soft on discipline. Letting your kids rule the roost because of guilt will only backfire. Let them know you understand how they feel but be firm with the rules. Implementing specific household rules will benefit everyone in the end.
5. Offer some control during the move
A great way to ease your children's frustration with the move is to provide an element they can control. This can include helping you pick out your new home, decorating their new room, packing and planning a going away party. The more input your children have, the less helpless they will feel about the move.
Making your children feel comfortable in their new home is essential to the continued happiness of your family. Involving them in the moving process will help them become familiar with the idea of moving into a new environment; this will also make them more familiar with the environment itself.
6. Be patient and don't push your child
Oftentimes, the best way to help a child adjust to change is letting them come to terms with it on their own. This is especially important when it comes to your partner's children. Avoid smothering them in an attempt to win them over. Showering them with gifts or attention can come off as insincere. Simply being kind and not overbearing is the easiest way to gain respect from your partner's children.
If your children are already fond of your partner (and vice versa), you are at a great advantage. However, getting the children to get along with one another may still remain a challenge. Understand that there's no guarantee that any children, no matter how long they live under the same roof, will ever be friends. Attempting to force camaraderie will only hinder it, so let them be and allow things to occur naturally.
Moving into a new home is always stressful in the beginning, but eventually everything balances itself out. This is true even when children are involved.