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How to Tell Your Parents You're Moving Out

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You have finally made the difficult decision to go out into the world on your own. After considering the expenses and responsibilities that come with the decision, it is time to tackle the difficult task of telling your parents.

How to tell your parents you're moving out

Parents are often reluctant to see their children leave the nest for a variety of reasons. They are concerned that you are not ready, and they want you to be safe. Above all, they will miss you. However, if moving out is a step you're ready to take, it's time to sit down with your parents and tell them how you feel.

Figure out a plan for moving out before talking to them

The best way to approach the subject of moving out with your parents is to have a set plan beforehand. If you can prove to them that you have everything figured out, they will be more likely to take you seriously.

Before proposing the idea of moving out, have:

  • A detailed budget planned
  • An apartment -- or at least a neighborhood -- in mind
  • The names of potential roommates you are considering

If your parents can see that you have put serious thoughts into it, they will realize that this is not a hastily-made decision and that you are prepared for moving out. They will also want to know what happens if you need to move back home.

Explain your reasons for moving out

Let your parents know the reasons you want to move out. If they can see that you came to this decision logically, instead of on a whim or a stubborn urge to rebel, they will be more inclined to get on board.

They may fear that you'll make irresponsible and detrimental choices once you have gained freedom. Explain to your parents that you feel that moving out will help you be more independent and financially responsible. Maybe you want to relocate closer to your college campus or just feel like being on your own to grow as an individual.

Your parents need to understand that this decision came from a place of maturity -- not rebellion. Reassure them that this is not a ploy to get away from them. Parents may view a child's desire to move out as an insult towards their parenting, as if the only motivation for you to leave is your contempt for them.

  • Establish the fact that you are not cutting them out of your life, just seeking independence
  • Explain you will be keeping in contact by planning weekly visits (local moves) or calls/video chats (long distance moves)
  • Assure them that you are not moving out because you want to embark on the next chapter of your life

Be clear, firm and ready to defend yourself

Parents often believe that they know best, and sometimes they do. However, if you have truly considered the factors involved and are determined you can handle it, it is certainly your choice to make.

  • Don't let your parents sway your decision
  • Don't feel guilty or apologize for wanting to be on your own
  • Be assertive and insist that you believe it's the right move for you

If your parents realize that they are unable to change your mind, they will be able to respect and accept your decision.

Are your parents very strict? If you have strict parents, it's even more necessary to defend yourself. Upon hearing the news, they may forbid or otherwise prevent you from moving out. Planning for this situation is an important part of gaining independence and takes careful planning to execute properly.

Think of counterarguments that support your case. If you have put thought into the reasons behind your decision, it shouldn't be hard to come up with a rebuttal. Moving out for school or to pursue a job opportunity is a stronger argument than just getting away from your parents. Be firm that you believe moving out is the correct choice. Once your parents see your dedication and the thought you put into this decision, they will be less reluctant.

Walk away before the situation escalates

If a simple discussion about moving out turns into a full-fledged shouting match, it might be necessary to walk away. If your parents resort to dramatics, there is no use in trying to reason with tears, yelling or heated arguments -- just leave the scene and allow your parents to cool down.

It's best to end a conversation when things get intense and try again once everyone has mellowed. You are very unlikely to get through to your parents and convince them to understand your perspective when they are angry.

Nicole La Capria  Posted by Nicole La Capria on November 13, 2018

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